


i just wanna be yours

by josiie



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki, Romance, Shadow's cool boss from the flower shop is also in this, lower case, mentions of adam, oh yeah that scene during the adam and cherry race is in this but we'll make it better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 13:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josiie/pseuds/josiie
Summary: "no one else is permanent enough and kojiro wonders why it took him so long to figure this out. kaoru has always been the constant thing in his life and he guesses that’s why this love doesn’t feel terrifying. it’s always been there and probably will always be."
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Comments: 8
Kudos: 102





	i just wanna be yours

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! i can't believe i'm back with more matchablossom so soon but they've been just a big source of inspiration lately!  
> i don't think there's anything in particular that needs tagging but do let me know if there's anything i've missed :) i did take some of the dialogue from the dinner scene because it was too good.
> 
> (i'd also like everyone to know the working title was gay people are a mess lmao)

kojiro is in love with kaoru. the realization hits him one night, when they’re both coming back from a race and kaoru keeps talking about some annoying client who just can’t take a hint and keeps trying to invite him on a date. kaoru isn’t usually one to be nice when those situations arise but she’s a good client and he understands he needs to keep clients happy to make business. kojiro knows it doesn’t make it any less frustrating for him and that’s why he lets him talk and he laughs at his frustration. it’s so easy; it’s always been easy, despite telling everyone they merely tolerate each other.

and that’s how kojiro realizes – it’s not jealousy over a client, because he knows kaoru is genuine in his lack of interest, or a big romantic gesture, because they’re not the ones to do that. it’s all about how kojiro can’t stop the words coming out of his mouth and he briefly jokes about taking kaoru on a date to see if the client takes a hint and kojiro just looks at him, seemingly serious and judgmental, but unable to hide his own fondness. like he wouldn’t even mind.

kojiro laughs and kaoru shoves him away, just strongly enough to make him lose some balance on his board but not enough to hurt him badly, rolling his eyes, and kojiro realizes he would really like to take kaoru on that date. because he’s been by his best friend’s side for years and somewhere along the way kojiro fell in love and didn’t even realize.

he supposes it’s not even weird. they’ve been a part of each other’s lives for so long and kojiro is pretty sure he’s the only one who truly knows kaoru, just like kaoru is the only one kojiro allows himself to be truthful with. and it hasn’t always been this way, but they both closed themselves off, and it’s easier to stay like this – in this shared proximity and intimacy that no one ever seems to really disturb. no one else is permanent enough and kojiro wonders why it took him so long to figure this out. kaoru has always been the constant thing in his life and he guesses that’s why this love doesn’t feel terrifying. it’s always been there and probably will always be.

“kojiro.” he hears kaoru call and he knows the choice to use his real name is very deliberate because he rarely ever uses it. he’s been probably ignoring him for a bit, busy with his own thoughts and kaoru seems curious.

kojiro tries to compose himself and his typical grin his back on his lips.

“worried about me?” he teases, not missing how kaoru rolls his eyes again and starts picking up the pace. he must have slowed down as he saw kojiro get distracted and kojiro can’t help but smile, picking up the pace as well.

the moon watches over them, silently, as they skate through the empty streets, just like they used to do all those years ago. it’s not even that common anymore for both of them to skate outside the races, but it always feels nice to share these moments, just the two of them. kojiro is sure he can keep doing this with kaoru – whatever this is, anyway. it’s always been like that.

“what do you want for lunch tomorrow, anyway?” kojiro asks.

“it’s not like it matters what i pick, your food is subpar regardless.” kaoru simply replies and it’s kojiro’s turn to push him away, with the same annoyed (and fond) look on his face.

“and you always eat everything!”

“it’s still bad!”

when he finally gets home, kojiro throws his clothes to the floor and just falls on top of his bed, tired. he can almost hear kaoru’s voice complain about the mess and complain about him not showering and just getting into bed, but he has no energy for that. he falls asleep and dreams of kaoru for the first time in a long time and his heart beats faster when he wakes up and thinks about it.

he cooks kaoru’s favorite pasta and has one of the expensive red wines waiting for him at lunch time.

🌸🌸🌸

when the tournament had started, both had known there was a real possibility of either of them finding adam before the final. joe wishes it had been him instead, not because he doesn’t think cherry can’t win, but because he’s scared of what adam might try to do. he’s seen way too many people get hurt because of the man and the possibility that the same might happen to cherry worries him.

he’s standing next to shadow and miya, after his race with snow. the kid is nowhere to be seen and he’s pretty sure it has something to do with reki. he doesn’t know exactly what is going on between them, but he knows they’ve both been feeling down and they need to talk. it’s almost funny how snow seems to care so little about adam, when so many people seem fixated on him, but he guesses that’s what makes him different. he’s focused on someone else – on something else, much more important than skating or competing.

and he understands, to a certain extent. he’s also mad at adam, but how much of it is because of cherry? how much of it has always been about cherry?

his eyes don’t leave the big screen and he sees cherry skate flawlessly, as he always does. he avoids adam, almost as if he had expected all of his moves beforehand, and joe breathes a little easier, knowing cherry’s the one person who can probably hold on his own against adam. his knowledge and his skills make him dangerous competition and he knows adam isn’t happy about it.

but-

it still surprises him when adam hits cherry right in the face with his board and he falls down. deep inside, he had some hope adam still respected cherry enough to treat him in a different way, but nothing is the same anymore.

he feels himself shaking and he only stops himself from immediately going there and beating up adam himself when miya places his hand on his wrist, almost as if knowing what he’s thinking. kojiro looks down at the kid and he’s clearly concerned, not just about cherry but also himself.

“i’ll get the car.” shadow says, running back to where he had parked, and miya remains next to him, still holding his wrist. it helps him calm down – acting on impulse would solve nothing and he knows that very well. it still doesn’t make it easier, when time seems to go by so slowly and they seem to take hours to get back to cherry.

cherry is still on the floor, but managed to get himself sitting up. his mask is torn and the bruising on his face doesn’t look good. he’s holding onto his arm, clearly in pain, but nothing else seems to be wrong and kojiro feels just a bit better. adam is nowhere to be seen and kojiro is grateful for that because he doesn’t want to see the other man’s face so soon.

he kneels down next to kaoru and briefly looks him over, just to make sure nothing requires immediate attention. he carefully gets kaoru’s hair out of his face, his hands still shaking, and kaoru looks at him – and he looks defeated. kojiro hates seeing that look on his face.

“let’s get you to the hospital.” he says and shadow is immediately next to them, helping cherry get up and get into the car. miya walks right behind them, holding carla, also texting someone on his phone.

they drive to the hospital as quickly as they possibly can. as they get there, kaoru is immediately taken care of, as kojiro fills up all the paper work, and when he can finally sit down to wait, shadow and miya are still there.

“thank you for waiting. i’m sure you have to get back now so, don’t worry.” kojiro reassures and smiles at them. “there’s nothing else to do here.”

“well, i need to drop the kid at home because it’s getting late.” shadow explains and miya complains about not being a kid at all. “but if you need anything else, i can come by. my boss will understand.” shadow smiles and blushes at the mention of his boss; kojiro makes sure to remember that because he won’t lose the chance to tease him about it next time.

“i really don’t need anything. but thank you.”

shadow looks at him once more and, after a few seconds of debating what to do, he gets up and miya does the same. the both say their goodbyes and walk towards the door, leaving the building. kojiro sighs deeply and closes his eyes. it’s going to be a long night and all he wants is a shower and a bed.

he ends up falling asleep sometime during the night and is woken up by a very nice, short, brunette nurse. she tells him kaoru is awake and ready for visitors and apologizes for the uncomfortable night of sleep, as she leads him to the room.

kaoru is in the last bed, the one closest to the window and he’s sitting down, struggling to eat his breakfast, with just one arm. he doesn’t even seem to notice kojiro until he’s right next to his bed, and he looks at him, somewhat annoyed and embarrassed about being seen like this.

“want some help?” kojiro teases, sitting on the chair right next to the bed. it’s even more uncomfortable than the one he slept on today, if that is even possible.

“i can do it myself.” kaoru replies. he gives up on eating the yogurt and grabs the tangerine that is still on his tray. he’s clearly aware it’s an even worse decision than the yogurt but he doesn’t want to give kojiro the satisfaction of admitting he needs even more help.

“for someone who keeps saying i’m a stupida gorilla, you sure don’t look very smart right now.”

“shut up.”

kojiro laughs and takes the tangerine out of kaoru’s hands easily. he peels it carefully and leaves the pieces on top of the tray for kaoru to eat. once he’s done, he grabs the yogurt again and feeds kaoru the last few spoons. his eyes are threatening but he doesn’t complain again. they sit like that for a while, just eating in silence, and when kaoru’s done, kojiro puts the tray away.

“now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” kojiro asks and kaoru hits him on his chest, like a child. “hey! i just saved your life, you should be a little bit more grateful.”

“you weren’t even the one driving!” kaoru replies back, with an annoyed expression on his face.

“still carried you here.”

“jerk.”

kojiro laughs and kaoru unwillingly lets a smile appear on his face as well. he’s now sure adam didn’t make any long-lasting damage to his brain, because kaoru is still acting like himself.

“what did adam say to you?” he asks, before he can even stop himself, and kaoru frowns, turning his face away and facing the window. kojiro is sure it hurt kaoru, even if just a little bit.

“it doesn’t really matter much now, but i know why he didn’t accept my challenges.” kaoru says. “he said my skating was too predictable. boring. i’m not worth his time.”

and kojiro has to take a deep breath to calm himself down because cherry doesn’t need him to freak out about this situation now. he’s just so unbelievably mad at what he heard – and so mad at adam – that he can barely control himself.

adam had known them for years. despite the three of them being close friends, it was always clear adam favored kaoru over him. and he didn’t mind that, but it had utterly destroyed kaoru when adam had stopped being around. he wasn’t sure if they had ever been romantically involved, but there were rumors about it and he believed it himself, even though he had never asked any of them about it. it had only become more apparent with time, because they had both been angry at adam, but kaoru’s feelings were always much more intense.

and now he’s sitting on a hospital bed because of adam. because of his obsession with racing him. because of his feelings towards the other man. and kojiro is angry.

“do you still care about what he says?” kojiro asks and he knows his voice betrays him because anyone could figure out he was not okay with that. he knows it’s obvious for kaoru.

“i don’t know.” kaoru answers and kojiro can hear how honest he’s being. “i shouldn’t, but i guess i wasn’t really over it.”

until last night is left unsaid, but they both know last night changed something and none of them seem to know how to continue this conversation. kaoru is still looking away and kojiro needs time to get his mind in order.

“i’m going home to shower and get some new clothes. i’ll get stuff for you as well.” kojiro says. “the kids might come by later. shadow as well. i’ll ask them to bring you whatever you need.”

and he leaves, without saying anything else. he knows what he’s feeling is completely irrational – kaoru is allowed to care about whoever he wants and it’s clear he doesn’t like adam like he used to. but kojiro still feels the jealousy burning and he has no idea why kaoru still cared.

shadow doesn’t ask any questions when kojiro asks him to take a bag to the hospital, but doesn’t go with them.

🌸🌸🌸

kojiro isn’t sure if he’s surprised or not when he sees kaoru enter the restaurant. it’s only been a few days since their exchange at the hospital and he hasn’t been around ever since, but he had missed him.

“are you an idiot? sneaking out of the hospital like that.”

“they have no reason to keep me there, anyway. it’s just a scratch.”

he comes next to kojiro in his wheelchair and kojiro wants to laugh. it’s just a scratch and yet he can’t even get up on his own. he’s really the biggest idiot he has ever met.

“you’re looking like a mummy.”

“an honorable wound!”

“yeah, yeah. whatever you say.”

kaoru seems to be ready to talk back, but stops himself as he realizes the bottle of wine is empty. he looks at kojiro, clearly asking for another one.

“you should bring the next one.”

“i’m injured!” kaoru complains and kojiro can’t even argue with that.

he goes to the back to grab another bottle. it seems weird how he seems to be ignoring what happened at the hospital, but kojiro won’t complain, even if he has to be the one bringing kaoru everything while he’s injured.

“is a white okay?” he asks, as he comes back. when he turns to the side, he sees kaoru is asleep on top of the table. kojiro smiles softly at the sight and sits right next to him.

he pours the wine on the glasses and figures it’s the best time to talk about what happened. he isn’t afraid of kaoru’s reaction, but he’s pretty sure the other man doesn’t want to discuss his own feelings anymore – and he’s willing to respect that. but he needs to talk and, well, maybe it’s a sign from the universe that kaoru is sitting next to him and sleeping and won’t listen to what he has to say.

“i’m sorry i brought up adam and your feelings for him. i didn’t have the right to do it.” kojiro says, trying to keep his voice low not to disturb kaoru’s sleep. “i was… jealous?” he shakes his head, almost ashamed of admitting it. “i’ve realized i’ve been the idiot all along and i’ve been in love with you this entire time. and it sting to see you pay so much attention to adam even though he hurt you so much.”

kaoru moves around a bit, turning his face to the other side and kojiro abruptly stops, afraid he’ll wake up. but he seems to calm himself down just as quickly and kojiro lets out a breath he didn’t even know was holding.

“hey, keep sleeping so that i can get all of this out and we can get back to normal.” he says. “so, i was jealous. and i was worried. you got hurt because of him; because he’s alone and frustrated and that’s why his skating is like that. and i guess that’s what you figured out that night.”

kaoru is still quietly asleep and kojiro takes a few seconds just to look at him. he looks tired, but peaceful, and kojiro selfishly wishes he could see him like this every single morning.

“but, you know? we’re not alone, kaoru.”

kojiro drinks his glass, as kaoru sleeps by his side.

🌸🌸🌸

kojiro knows everyone else has already figured out something is very wrong between him and kaoru. reki and langa seem to come by more often (always holding hands and stealing kisses when they think no one else is looking) and invite him along to skate – which kojiro never accepts, even if he finds it sweet, because he’s not really the type of person to hang out with a teenage couple in the honeymoon stage. shadow also comes to have dinner every other day and brings his pretty boss with him a few times and kojiro makes sure they always have their favorite desert available for them. miya always comes in to say hello on his way to school or practice or when he’s too annoyed at reki and langa for not paying attention to him when they’re all skating together.

it’s nice, really.

but he doesn’t really want to see any of them right now. he misses the only person who stopped coming around and he’s not even sure what happened. whatever it was, it made kaoru upset enough to even stop coming to s – and missing the chance to see takashi beat adam in the final of the tournament.

so kojiro waits and pretends he’s fine with this new routine. kaoru knows he can come back whenever he wants.

but not everyone is willing to keep waiting and seeing his sad face every single day.

“have you tried talking to him?” langa asks, mindlessly eating his tiramisu. it’s way past lunch time already and kojiro should be cleaning around and getting ready for dinner. instead, he’s sitting in front of a teenager, with a cup of wine on his hand, trying to get some romantic advice. “because that’s what my mom said i should do when i had problems with reki and it worked out.”

“it totally worked out and we should have talked before.” reki agrees, while getting yet another coke from the fridge, before sitting down next to langa. “haven’t you and cherry been friends for ages too? you should be able to talk to him about it.”

“i guess you’re right.” kojiro sighs and fills his own cup with some more wine, before taking another sip. “i just don’t want to pressure him into talking if he doesn’t want to.”

“well,” langa starts and reki looks at him. it seems like they’ve discussed this before and kojiro feels like his feelings must be obvious from space. “i haven’t known either of you that long, but cherry doesn’t seem very open with his feelings, right?”

kojiro nods. he can be surprisingly open when he feels comfortable to do so, but most people see him as cold and distant.

“so, maybe he’s just having troubles with his feelings and he doesn’t know how to talk to you.” langa continues and kojiro can admit he has a good point. “me and reki didn’t know how to talk to each other and we got hurt because of that.”

“we’ve seen cherry a few times in the last few days.” reki eventually says and kojiro turns all his attention towards him.

“was he okay?” he knows he probably sounds a bit desperate but at this point he has no shame. anyone with eyes can see how much kojiro cares and he’s not going to pretend otherwise.

“he just seemed… down. one time he was even near the restaurant and it looked like he wanted to come in but gave up at the last second.” reki answers. “so i’m going to support my boyfriend and say you two really need to talk about it.” he smiles. “and we can go on a double date after. your treat, since we helped.”

“get out of here, you two!” kojiro is embarrassed and the two younger men just laugh, before saying goodbye.

he decides to close for the day and goes to kaoru’s house – but not before stopping by shadow’s flower shop and getting a gift. it feels a bit embarrassing but flowers are… nice? romantic? shadow seems to put in extra effort and his boss just says it’s a gift from the store and he doesn’t have to worry about paying.

“i’ve seen how sad you look, kojiro-san.” she explains, as shadow finishes up the bouquet. “and hiromi didn’t tell me anything, so don’t be mad at him!” she quickly adds. “but i’ve seen some of you around and your pink haired friend has been missing, so i have a feeling you might need to say something to him.”

“yeah. yeah, it’s exactly that.” kojiro smiles and she smiles right back at him, with an understanding look on her face.

“well, it’s a gift from me. and i hope to see that pretty smile of yours more often when we go back for dinner.”

“thank you.”

🌸🌸🌸

kaoru seems surprised when he opens the door and sees kojiro in front of him. he moves away, wordlessly, letting him get in. kojiro is happy to see he’s okay and his arm seems to be fully healed. kaoru closes the door behind him and they both stand in the small entrance, unsure of what to do.

“hi.” kojiro finally says, awkwardly. “i got you flowers.” he adds and kaoru takes a brief look at the bouquet he’s holding on his right hand and kojiro quickly gives it to him, feeling extremely self-conscious. he’s not a child with his first crush, but it’s still weird to do something like this for kaoru. he isn’t even sure if he likes getting flowers.

“roses and orchids?” kaoru asks and there’s a hint of a smile on his face. “i know you didn’t do this on your own.”

“shadow helped.” kojiro confesses, feeling himself blush a little. he hopes it’s not too noticeable. “do you like those?”  
“yes. thank you.” the words sound truthful and kojiro finds it a bit easier to breathe. “come with me. i’ll put these in a nice place and we can talk.” kaoru says and starts walking in the direction of his kitchen, gesturing to kojiro to follow him.

kaoru puts the flowers in a vase that sits next to the window and starts heating up the water to make tea. kojiro sits and tries to get himself more comfortable because it is hard to be like this around a friend. it’s hard to be uncomfortable around kaoru because they’ve never been like this before.

“i want to apologize.” kaoru says, still focused on the tea. he’s not facing kojiro, so whatever he’s about to say is probably hard for him. “avoiding you was childish and you deserve an explanation.”

“i’m not demanding one.” kojiro reassures. “but i want to solve things because i miss having you around.”

“i wasn’t actually sleeping that night.” kaoru admits and kojiro feels his heart skip a beat. but he says nothing and braces himself for the rejection. “i was tired and i decided to close my eyes and just rest for a bit.”

and then you started talking and you majorly fucked up, kojiro thinks. no wonder kaoru was avoiding him – he was probably figuring out a way to discuss all of it without hurting kojiro’s feelings. kaoru never seemed to care, but he wasn’t cruel and he would never want to hurt him in any way.

“sorry.” kojiro says and closes his eyes, letting his head fall back against the wall. “i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable with my feelings.” he adds. “i won’t apologize for feeling that way, but you know me. i respect your feelings and i’ll just need some time to process everything and to be able to be your friend again.”

he only notices kaoru has forgotten all about the tea, when he feels his hand caressing his cheek. he opens his eyes and sees kaoru, with a desperate look on his face – he has seen it before. when adam left and kaoru begged him to stay.

“i won’t leave, kaoru. please don’t look at me like that.” he sighs. “just give me some ti-“

“i like you too.”

and kojiro is speechless at that.

“i like you and that scared me more than anything else.” kaoru admits and kojiro can hear the hurt in his voice. “you were right, you know? i did like adam. but you never had any reason to be jealous because it was never real.”

“what?”

“i liked him. but we never dated. he never even looked at me like that. and it’s been so long.” kaoru explains. “at this point, it was more about proving myself than anything else.”

“but-“

“look. you had your chance to talk. now let me have this.” kaoru asks and kojiro nods. he is right. “i thought your reaction at the hospital was weird, but i figured you were just in a bad mood after everything. but then you didn’t visit me again and shadow kept looking at me like i had done something wrong and i had no idea what was going on.” he takes a deep breath and bites his lower lip, something he always does when he’s nervous. kojiro holds his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “and i decided i should talk to you and pretend like everything was okay and then ask you about it when we were less awkward around each other.”

“and then i said all of those things.” kojiro interrupts, without even thinking.

“and it all made a lot of sense. and i couldn’t stop thinking about it.” kaoru laughs, but it sounds sad and kojiro just wants to pull him into his arms and make sure he stops feeling like this. “and i realized i felt the same. of course i did. we’ve been doing this for so long we didn’t even realize we were already too emotionally unavailable to date anyone else.”

“why are you so upset, then?” kojiro asks. “we can do this.”

“i’m scared of fucking up again, kojiro.” kaoru admits and kojiro doesn’t even try to stop himself before pulling him into a hug. “i can’t lose you too.”

“you won’t, kaoru. i’m not that fucking asshole.”

kaoru looks up at him, almost as if asking for comfort, and kojiro does the only thing he can – he kisses him, deeply, and hopes it’s enough to show kaoru how much he cares. kaoru kisses back and they forget everything else around them.

“let me make you happy, kaoru.” kojiro asks and kaoru kisses him again in response.

they will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated ❤  
> i'm on twitter @josiiiee


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